There's A Silver Line In The Cloud

In this wee hour, I suddenly awoke. Unable to shut my eyes for another dream, my mind started to roll back and forth. Thinking the things I should, and also, shouldn't think. I turned my laptop on, searched for an online radio station, and finally found one local radio station. I started to linger around the songs played online.

But for some reasons, songs that always calm me down, seemed to have lost their abilities. I shut down the online radio, and went on to take a stare outside the house. It was 3.45 a.m. I didn't realise that it was raining just now. Judging by the heat that still remains, and how the wetness in my veranda is starting to fade, I knew it was only a passing-by rain. And what is left is just the hope that it would rain again. What a poor hope.

It would be no shine if it was no rain. There was no joy if there was no pain. I tried my hardest not to favour only towards positives, whereas I should consider negatives also. My life has been at ease all this time that I failed to prepare for negatives. When it struck down my spine, it left me with enormous regrets that pushed me down the wheel. Though it never drove me off the wall, I curse my mistakes every now and then.

Of course, there's a light at the end of a tunnel. But we have to get to it, although we have to walk on our thighs. What matters is the effort we make to make it to the light. I've been at the bottom of the wheel on numerous occasion, but it looks like this is the hardest for me to raise again from the dust. It feels like I was crucified tightly on the ground that I won't be able to free myself without any help from someone. It might take a number of people and a number of efforts to set me free.

Some people stare at me, griming, and just leave. Some people sit beside me, but do nothing because they know how complicated the tie that strangled my body. I don't blame them all, not at all. They have nothing to do with my situation as they completely have no mistake. All I can do is just waiting for someone to step forward, helping me to set myself free. At the same time, I hope there will be nobody who will put the nail in the coffin. When it happens, all hopes would scatter all over and turn from glass to sand of dust.

There's no harm in hoping. There's always hope for every uncertainty. There's always a silver line in the cloud.

Part Of Me

I never realised that I have changed. Until someone clang to me sometime ago, and said that I have changed. She left me with a big question mark inside my head...Changed into what? Maybe some of me have changed, and she just happened to notice them, but she never mentioned which part.

I am still what I am what I used to be, and I assume that she never knew me thoroughly in the first place, in which made she said that. Or maybe I did change, but I myself never noticed that.

Of course, people will change over the time. Someone is no longer a playful one like he or she used to be. Someone is no longer difficult. Someone is no longer stupid or ignorant. Those who never changed are wasting their lifetime.

Why change? Some said it's because the world changes. What world? Some said it's because the new era we're in. New era? While some said it's simply the law of nature. I would agree to the third opinion. I would rather say 'evolve' than 'change'.

For animals, they evolve just to fit into the current surroundings that they're in, for survival, basically. For human, it's more than to survive. It's more like the betterment of the quality of our life. It's just wasting if we stay on the same paradigm, or in other word, 'comfort zone'. Life will never be lived without changes. Of course there would be some wrong decisions made along the way. Human and mistakes are linked to each other. Mistakes are part and parcel of life. Nobody is perfect after all.

The parts that never changed in my life are my name and my family. The rest, you see for yourself, because I have no intention on assessing myself as it may be biased. All I can do is keep improving, keep learning and keep my head as low as I could.

Parts of me are better than anyone else, but parts of me also are worse than anyone else. Don't tell me I'm good or anything as if I would care. There are more people who are way better ahead of me out there. I'm just a servant of God, and just like everyone else on the street. No better. Worse, maybe.