Been long...Way too long...

I haven't been posting for almost 2 years.

Some bloggers post at least 3 or 4 times a day. That maybe because they make their blog as their personal diary.

Just be it. I'm not going to make money outta my blog, because I have a sustainable income in my life. Thank God for that.

It looks like the time has come for me to keep on posting, well, at least once a month.

Do pray for that to happen, anyway. I'm not an avid blogger after all...

May God Bless His Soul...

A lecturer told me some time ago that when we suddenly remember someone, it's good to pay him/her a visit. Around 2-3 months ago, I suddenly remembered a close friend's grandpa who has been close to me for some years. Though I wasn't his real grandchild, he treated me like one.

I thought it was only a normal feeling, as I hadn't seen him for almost a year. But I let it be and moved on with my life. A feeling crossed my heart a few times telling that I should pay him a visit, but my tight schedule had been preventing me to move around much. So the feeling went by just like that.

Last week I received a text message, sent by my friend. I was sleeping that night. I woke up at a sudden and straight away checked my phone. It turned out to be a message saying that his grandpa had passed away. Without a longer moment, I felt tears streaming down my face, realising that I had lost someone that I longed to see. Too bad, too late. I should listen to my heart that time when it told me to pay him a visit.

I swear that the very next time, when such feeling emerges, I will listen to it. So I won't regret again. May he rests in peace, and may God bless his soul and put him among the most pious souls.

Two wrongs...

...don't make a right.

I was taught by my beloved parents not to return a blow. That's why some people like to walk over me...countless of time. In Hindu's teaching, they said that there's a karma. I did read my previous post telling that what goes around comes around. That's, in fact, the exact definition of karma. Some even state it as The Law of Karma.

So here it goes. I don't believe in other religion, but not their teaching. There's no religion in the world calling for the followers (or at least readers) to do harmful things onto others. There is none at all. But I wonder. Is there any broken link to this? In fact, there are many! People actually just sweep their mistaken thoughts under the carpet.

I'm not telling big about myself here, because I'm not in the position to make a judgment about myself. I rather not to return a blow to someone who has delivered his/her countless blows onto me. Not because I'm weak or something, but it was the correct indoctrination of Islamic teaching by my ever-beloved parents.

By standing on the doctrine alone, though I can't become a better person myself, at least, I don't want to agonise people by returning blows. They have already agonised themselves delivering blows towards me. Because two wrongs don't make a right.

Complicated!

Quite some times ago, I think I heard (again, somehow my memory seems very weak at recalling) the highest-ranked person in the government once said that the government servants should not blame each other for any weakness they encountered. That time, every one nodded their head as a sign of agreement. That was the time before I joined the government sector, I think. Then, in 2007, I stepped into the world of "government servants" as an educator (but as an untrained). I assumed that the working atmosphere would be something that I imagined; every one worked close to each other, supporting and looking at every one's back. It was like that during the first 2 years.

But lately, blame games, inter-department or inter-ministry blame seems really popular among government servants. I think the subject is just too immense to be discussed here. Let's narrow down the subject: intra-department or intra-ministry blame. This means, people who are working under "the same roof", having the same boss, serving the same people and doing the same thing are having out with each other. It is just complicated. I can't understand how this could happen. I narrow it down to those who works under the wing of the Ministry of Education.

There's one person who happen to lead a good life with his own way. Maybe he is too comfort with his own way, he didn't see how others are doing. I've read some of his comments online regarding teaching profession (well, he is also a teacher, apparently). I admit that he is good in teaching his own children with his own methodologies. Maybe because of his home-bounded successes, he refuse to look at others. His refusal led him to give out arrogant and sometimes immature comments, hence took control of his thoughts, assuming there's no other better people than his own family. Sometimes, he even causes stirs.

Judging by his comments, I made a hypothesis (mind you, a hypothesis isn't a conclusion) telling that this guy haven't gone out of his comfort zone. He always claim that he achieved various successes with his methods. Whilst he is good, why don't he shift his running gear and help others who seem frail and stutter while he still can? But all he did was blaming, where blaming, for me, never solve a problem. For me, if you feel that you're good enough, the gravest mistake that you commit is to keep the goodness only to yourself. It is rather an ethic misconduct than a sin.

I admit that I am not good enough as him, as I have never tested my own methods on my own kids, because I haven't had even one. But I actually want to meet this guy in person in order to make him share a thing or two. Maybe I could adopt and adapt his methodologies into my practice wherever I see fit. But based on my hypothesis, this guy seems reluctant to share, where teachers are encouraged to share good things between each other for the betterment of their practice, and also for the sake of the students. Maybe he feels that he is sharing, but with his own way.

Man was created to be a very flexible creature for their own survival. For me, I would suggest that he be flexible for his own good, and also for the good of others. Make a step back to gain two steps forward. He needs to alter his ego, be less egocentric.

May he read my posting. May he take this as a call for a change. May I can be as good as him. May I become less egocentric.

Unleaded...

Another weekend is passing by. A weekend supposed to be the time to take some rests out of work. But that is almost impossible for me to do - resting properly.

I am not a workaholic that spend the day working like there's no tomorrow. My body isn't as strong as 10 years ago. A friend of mine verbally confirmed that I am contracted with migraine, but still in the early stage. I met him two nights ago, and told him the symptoms that I have been enduring in these 3 weeks. Though he isn't a doctor, he is a medical assistant in local hospital, and he has decent knowledge about symptoms of various common diseases. He also told me to skip caffeine-related drinks.

For a matter of time, I have to give up my favourite black coffee, as it contains an inconsiderable amount of caffeine that might worsen my migraine. If it concerns my health, then I have to leave it for a while.

For the next 10 weeks, I consider the situation will not be helpful. There will be insufficient resting hour, unbalanced diet and unhealthy lifestyle, due to the training course that I take to acquire a teaching license.

Those who read this writing, I hope you will not be like me. You have to lead not only a healthy lifestyle, but also a healthy mind and soul. I'm sure you'll be able to get through almost everything if you keep the 3 important things of your body healthy: the body, the heart and the mind.

Counselling Service

It's Saturday, and as usual, my classmates and I are having a class. It's a session for Pedagogy, and it's for the whole day. We are learning about giving counseling services to our school children.

This session, basically, is a coherence from the previous session, in which basic principles of counseling were introduced to us. At that time, it was simple and understandable. But now, it has moved to another dimension, in which various skills of counseling are also covered. I realised now that counseling is no child's play. It's a very tricky business that needs sharpened skills and gifted communication talents to deal with. So, in easy words, it's an art to deal with people in a very good and convincing manner.

I'm looking forward to applying this newly-acquired knowledge and skill on my school kids. I found that I have a lot of loopholes in my way of dealing with them. As I said in my previous postings, I'm not a good person. Thus, I have a lot of weaknesses that have to improve. And that's what a human should do, continuously improvising themselves in order to become a better servant of God.

To all my classmates, and lecturers too, I can't find any word to thank. Your contributions to me are priceless and nowhere to be found easily.

There's A Silver Line In The Cloud

In this wee hour, I suddenly awoke. Unable to shut my eyes for another dream, my mind started to roll back and forth. Thinking the things I should, and also, shouldn't think. I turned my laptop on, searched for an online radio station, and finally found one local radio station. I started to linger around the songs played online.

But for some reasons, songs that always calm me down, seemed to have lost their abilities. I shut down the online radio, and went on to take a stare outside the house. It was 3.45 a.m. I didn't realise that it was raining just now. Judging by the heat that still remains, and how the wetness in my veranda is starting to fade, I knew it was only a passing-by rain. And what is left is just the hope that it would rain again. What a poor hope.

It would be no shine if it was no rain. There was no joy if there was no pain. I tried my hardest not to favour only towards positives, whereas I should consider negatives also. My life has been at ease all this time that I failed to prepare for negatives. When it struck down my spine, it left me with enormous regrets that pushed me down the wheel. Though it never drove me off the wall, I curse my mistakes every now and then.

Of course, there's a light at the end of a tunnel. But we have to get to it, although we have to walk on our thighs. What matters is the effort we make to make it to the light. I've been at the bottom of the wheel on numerous occasion, but it looks like this is the hardest for me to raise again from the dust. It feels like I was crucified tightly on the ground that I won't be able to free myself without any help from someone. It might take a number of people and a number of efforts to set me free.

Some people stare at me, griming, and just leave. Some people sit beside me, but do nothing because they know how complicated the tie that strangled my body. I don't blame them all, not at all. They have nothing to do with my situation as they completely have no mistake. All I can do is just waiting for someone to step forward, helping me to set myself free. At the same time, I hope there will be nobody who will put the nail in the coffin. When it happens, all hopes would scatter all over and turn from glass to sand of dust.

There's no harm in hoping. There's always hope for every uncertainty. There's always a silver line in the cloud.